Angry-man's description of AO-professions

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Einleitung

Angry-man says: Disclaimer: None of this is to be taken seriously. No animals where hurt while making this post, except maby those stupid Adventurers.

Adventurers

Adventurers run around thinking they are "leet" while in wolf-morph and when they actually are in leet morph.. they are just stupid. They can heal and use both melee and pistols but dont get one of these dimwits in your team cause if you need their heal then they are "not a doc" and when you need their damage, all they do is heal the wrong person. They can turn into a tree too which isnt only stupid, it makes their ability to "not being a doc" go even higher.

Agent

Agents are a bunch of sneaky vulture bastards that cry for unique abilities while having everyone elses unique ability in the bag. They hide behind rocks, tree's and enforcers while waiting for the perfect moment to be a retard and then they jump out shouting "peekaboo" or whatever and press the retard-button, hoping to successfully leech some PvP-points they dont deserve. In teams they have the ability to do alot of damage and get aggro while aiming nonstop and everyone in the team including the agent himself dont want him to have aggro. At the same time he whines about not doing enough damage.

Bureaucrat

The crat have an ugly bot to command and in higher levels they get an even uglier bot to command. In addition to that, the crat can charm mobs. I have no idea how the crats do this as they are not charming but rather downright nasty a.k.a. ugly. Crats have the ability to join your team and then go away for an hour or two while trying to find a suitable mob to charm. Some people consider this overpowered but the crat in addition to all this have the ability to mysteriously end the charm exactly when your having 2 adds allready so now you have a dead crat and a third add. Very helpfull.

Doctor

Doctors can stand in 75% and singelhandedly ruin PvP as a whole. Once they get bored of bending honest PvP'ers over they turn to teams where they are supposed to keep you alive but instead keep saying things like "You where out of range, not within line of sight, Im NSD'd, I was healing myself because Im the most important person in the team as Im needed to keep you guys alive" and the all time favourite "I UBT'd myself".

Enforcer

Enforcers are supposed to tank stuff but instead they let the soldiers do it while they stand in the back comparing HP-bars with eachother like some kind of fetish. They have a library of faul language because they are so stupid that they cant even remember profanities and have to look it up while fighting. As you know, an enforcer who get hit in the head by people or by themselves repeatedly spend to much time reading and to little time doing their job that its hard to know what the heck they are usefull for.

Engineer

These guys make me sick! They build a friend for themselves called a "slayer" because they cant get friends any other way. Now they have learned how to build a dog. All they need is how to build a girlfriend and they could start playing house. They are greasy with all that oil on their hands and I get sick to my stomach after having their greasy hands put together a gun for me, only to find out that I cant hold the damn gun as it keeps slipping due to the greasy oil. Those guys could use a good hose-down. They can create all kinds of thingaroos but can they create a life for themselves? NO!

Fixer

These guys are right up there with agents in being annoying. They have two abilities worth mentioning. Running around creating lag and "Meeping". Meep is a fancy word for Evac. "Hey could you stand still for a.." *meep* "Your allmost dead now!" *meep* "2k to level 220!" *team meep*. Fixers are a waste of space as their spot in my team easely could have been filled with a mime or something not quite so annoying. Oh, and they can turn blue, after holding their breath for 5 minutes as a childish attempt to scare people into letting them join their team.

Keeper

These guys are the rejects and dropouts in the enforcerschool. And when you look at the enforcers you kinda get the idea of just how stupid a keeper is. I have no idea what they are supposed to be "keeping" as they cant even keep their friggin pants on. One easy way to spot that the keeper profession is made for extremely unintelligent people that cant even get through enforcer-school is that they dont even have to press the big red heal button like docs do. It goes automaticly. Anyone with any respect for themselves wont play a profession like that.

Martial Artist

These guys are so stupid that they dont even understand that in the year 30.000++ they can pick up a weapon. They run around bitchslapping and kicking people. Throw in some hairpulling and thats how schoolgirls fight. While in team they get aggro "heeelp heeelp" and once the mob is dead the team says "We want the enf to tank" but the enf is to bussy cuddling his HP bar so the soldier has to tank but the soldier is so gimped that he cant get aggro from the MA who is using his damn FISTS. Once there is nothing left to hit the MA goes into a Backyard somewhere and meditates because thats all he knows how to do.

Meta-Physicist

Bunch of psychopaths that can get so angry that a second, third and even a FOURTH personality spawns. The MP walks around talking to himself or should I say himselves until its time to team and fight. The MP have the ability to send the "pets" out into the battlefield and bring back lots of adds and crap. Its allso no surprise that the most helpfull pet the MP has in teams is the confused pet. All in all the MP is a very angry and confused psychopath that has the ability to spawn a "healpet" that says "Im SO not commencing heals on this target you foo"

Nano Technician

The NT has 3 abilities. The single nuke that makes the mob in target kill the NT, an area nuke that is designed to train people and make more mobs kill the NT at the same time and finally a sphere that lets the NT pretend to be alive for that many more seconds until he actually falls over once it ends. A NT in AO is the same as a clown in the circus. Purely for entertainment. Oh, and thank god for helmets because they are so ugly that the fact that you dont wanna look at your screen when one walks by is perhaps their best defence of all. Typical that their tier 3 helmet looks like a character from the movie "Thumbtanic".

Shade

Kinda like the melee version of agents. Sneaky melee bastards then. They run around like chickens going "oooh look at me, I can do alot of damage!" and then the mob aggros them and they go "squish". Only a profession like the shade is stupid enough to rely on hiding while using weapons that glow in the frikkin dark! "Thihi, now he cant see me, when the time is right I will leech PvP points that I dont deserve" and then he gets shot in the ear by some dude that can see those lightsaber-wannabe star-wars-obi-wan-ke-nUUbi dildos in his hands.

Soldier

Great, put an idiot behind a BFG3000, turn on the "Im so stupid that I need a 75% damage-reflect in order to compete" and you have a soldier. Give them Full auto, Burst, fling, aimed, high min damage and high max damage and they go "we need more specials in AO that are soldier only and I need to duel wield 2 guns while having a third betwean my legs cause it both feels good and I need to do more damage."

Trader

Traders have the ability to do allmost everything. They suck so much at each and every one of those things that they need gimps to hold their hand while walking them through the nubi training ground at level 200. Traders have the ability to cast nr debuff, then the other nr debuff, then a drain, then the other drain, then the ac debuff only to find out that the mob is allready dead and not thanks to the trader. They can sell crap to the tradershop, I only wish they could sell their equiptment there too and start a real profession like.. um.. a GM.

ARK

The competition is obviously pretty damn hard but the twit-of-the-year-award has to go to ARK. ARK stands for All Retarded Kids and if you ever stand face to face with one of these dumbasses then remember to slap them in the face before they get the chance to "dissapear into a fog of notum mist" or whatever it is they think they are doing. Do you think the dumbest answer you can get to the question "Why wont this BLUE questmob standing infront of me, named El-Harry-Kurder" give me my quest item?" is "I dont know"? WRONG. These guys take it to a whole new level by saying something like "The green one?". And if you think thats annoying, try going on an ARK tour around west athen and when you get bored and deside to leave the group and go into the subway for some XP.. *MEEP*.. you get warped back to the ARK who says "Seems you lost us. Just let me know whenever you get lost so I can transport you back ". Its because of situations like that the ARK's have special modifiers so you cant KILL them. You can only get into the ARK-program by showing that you know how to act like a dumbass and have X amount of training in one of the idiotic professions. These guys are PROFESSIONAL dumbasses.

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